We should all be able to enjoy the Christmas holidays with our family. When you’re co-parenting, working with a family dispute resolution practitioner can be key to resolving conflicts effectively. They can help facilitate fair and constructive discussions to find solutions that work for everyone. Here’s what you can do to ensure dispute resolution are resolved fairly and effectively.
Key takeaways
Communicate constructively
Stay calm when discussing disputes. Your spouse may say something upsetting, but it’s important not to react rashly. Take a moment before responding and try to understand where they are coming from. Consulting a family dispute resolution practitioner can provide guidance and help keep discussions constructive, ensuring disputes are managed calmly and effectively.
Focus on solutions
Making accusations is counter-productive, especially in dispute resolution for separated families. To avoid this, make ‘I’ statements rather than ‘you’ statements. For example, you might be inclined to say something like, “You never stick to the agreement.” Instead, say, “I’m worried about the agreement. How can we make sure we follow it?” You’re airing a concern in a solution-focused way that promotes constructive communication. If family violence is a concern, seeking assistance from a family relationship centre can provide the necessary support and guidance for creating safer and more effective resolutions.
Here are some other examples of constructive language:
Open-mindedness
“What do you think the kids would like over Christmas?”
“What are some other options we could consider?”
Validate the other parent
“I know spending Christmas Day with the children is important to you.”
“I understand why you feel that way.”
Clear and specific language
“What if I picked the kids up from your house at 2 pm?”
End positively
“We can make this work for our children’s sake.”
Thanks for being understanding about making new plans.”
Tone
Emotions might run high during dispute resolution, especially when discussing sensitive topics like child support. In these moments, make an effort to de-escalate. Use a calm tone, as it’s often not what you say, but how you say it. If you find it difficult to moderate your tone, writing down your concerns can help you communicate more effectively. For additional support, consider reaching out to a family relationship centre, where professionals can guide you through these discussions in a constructive and respectful manner.
Stay focused
Stick to relevant issues during the mediation process. It’s easy to waste time on matters that don’t pertain to either party’s concerns, and this doesn’t help resolve disputes effectively. How can you ensure this doesn’t happen? A good strategy is to draft a document that lists the issues under dispute. This document can be used as a reference during dispute resolution services. Allow the other parent to provide their input—they can suggest changes or proceed with the discussion, keeping the focus on resolving disputes constructively and efficiently.
Choose the right medium
There are many ways you can communicate during the mediation process. A face-to-face meeting can help move the discussion along quickly but may also risk emotional outbursts in sensitive family disputes. If you feel that this could happen, written correspondence may be a better option. Using FDR services, such as email exchanges facilitated by an FDR practitioner, allows parties to share relevant documents and communicate more calmly. This approach ensures that discussions remain focused and productive, helping to resolve family disputes effectively.
Involve children selectively
There may be times when your children could contribute meaningfully to the process. This depends on many factors.
Age-appropriate
There may be times when your children could contribute meaningfully to the process of resolving family disputes. Whether or not this is appropriate depends on many factors, such as their age, maturity, and the nature of the discussions, such as property settlement or parenting arrangements. Including children in a constructive way can sometimes help reduce future disputes by giving them a voice in decisions that affect them.
However, it’s important to approach this sensitively, often with the guidance of a family mediation professional or an FDR practitioner. Family dispute resolution (FDR) can be an effective way to navigate family disputes and ensure discussions remain productive. Family counselling can also provide a safe space to explore whether involving children in the discussions is beneficial and how to do so appropriately. By using these methods, families can reach agreement on key issues and make progress in dispute resolution while prioritising the well-being of everyone involved.
Stay positive
This isn’t a time to pit the child against each other. Avoid language that denigrates your former partner and instead focus on resolving complex issues constructively. In the FDR process, a neutral person facilitates discussions to help both parties address financial issues and other concerns civilly. While FDR practitioners may charge fees, they provide invaluable support in helping parents make their own decisions without escalating tensions. Keeping the discussion focused on solutions, particularly around financial matters, ensures progress toward agreements that can become legally binding, ultimately prioritizing the child’s well-being.
Empowerment
The final decision should be up to the parents, but involving children in the decision-making process can be beneficial. Children can express what they want during the Christmas holidays, and their views should be considered to help inform decisions that suit the family situation. If an agreement is reached, it’s essential to formalize it through consent orders for clarity and consistency. A service provider, such as a mediator or an FDR practitioner, can assist parents in reaching an agreement that takes everyone’s needs into account while maintaining a collaborative and supportive environment..
Don't burden them
Don’t put too much pressure on them. This is an opportunity for them to have a say, not to solve the problems for you or take sides. Use language that doesn’t force them to commit to something, ensuring they feel safe and heard. In a mediation session, all people involved, including children, can contribute in a way that fosters understanding without feeling burdened. If mental illness is a concern for anyone involved, addressing it sensitively during the process is crucial. Reaching an agreement in a way that considers everyone’s needs can lead to parenting orders or court orders that are fair and effective, prioritizing the well-being of the family. For example:
“What do you think about the plan?”
“Would you enjoy spending time this way?”
“Was there anything else you wanted to talk about?”
This is better than:
“Do you want to do [x] or [y]?”
“Who do you want to stay with on Christmas Day?”
“Which one of us do you feel more comfortable staying with?”
Consider mediation
You may come to an impasse that you can’t resolve. If you’ve started court proceedings, attempting family dispute resolution is often a required step. A family relationship centre can provide a space with an independent person, such as a professional family dispute resolution practitioner, to help you work through the issues. If you don’t have ready access to a centre, the family relationship advice line can offer free information. Reach the advice line on 1800 050 321. Before attending, review the centre’s fees policy to understand any associated costs.
During mediation, aim to create a parenting plan that outlines arrangements and expectations clearly. While parenting plans are not legally enforceable, they can guide the discussions and form the basis for more formal agreements if needed. To make agreements legally enforceable, consider converting them into consent orders through the court. How do you get the most out of mediation? Stay focused, remain open to compromise, and keep the best interests of everyone involved in mind.
Make an effort with a family dispute resolution practitioner
Family dispute resolution works best when the parties make a genuine effort to compromise. Use mediation as an opportunity to gain a new perspective on the issues and work towards resolving family disputes effectively. A government-funded service, such as a family relationship centre, can provide accessible dispute resolution support for those dealing with a parenting dispute. Mediation allows for constructive discussions, helping to ensure that agreements reached are fair and practical for everyone involved. By focusing on collaboration, mediation can turn a challenging parenting dispute into an opportunity for positive outcomes.
Listen actively with a family dispute resolution service
Take your ex’s concerns seriously during dispute resolution. When they’re voicing their opinions, consider their concerns from their perspective, especially in the context of family disputes. Showing empathy and understanding can help build trust and facilitate more productive discussions. Addressing their concerns thoughtfully can lead to agreements that are fair and respectful. If necessary, formalize these agreements into legally binding arrangements to ensure clarity and consistency moving forward.
Come prepared
Be clear on the issues during dispute resolution. Write down the points you want to discuss ahead of time to ensure you don’t overlook any important areas, especially in family disputes. Preparing in advance helps keep the discussion focused and productive, allowing both parties to address key topics, such as financial issues, effectively. This approach is crucial in dispute resolution, as it ensures that all concerns are covered and resolutions are reached efficiently. Staying organized is a vital part of successful dispute resolution and helps create a path forward for resolving family disputes constructively.
Be honest
Express your views openly and honestly during dispute resolution. It’s unhelpful to be guarded about your true feelings, as transparency is key to resolving family disputes effectively. Nobody can read your mind, and open communication fosters trust and understanding in the dispute resolution process. The mediator, as a neutral facilitator, won’t judge or shame you but will guide the discussion constructively. When both parties approach family disputes with honesty and openness, they stand a much better chance of achieving a successful result in dispute resolution.
You can find a family dispute resolution service at: https://www.familyrelationships.gov.au/find-local-help.
Consult family members
Extended family members can help in dispute resolution by providing a neutral and non-judgmental perspective. Their involvement can be valuable in resolving family disputes, especially when emotions run high. Both parents should agree to their inclusion, ensuring that the family member chosen is someone both parties trust to be fair and impartial. Including extended family in the dispute resolution process can offer fresh insights and facilitate progress in challenging family disputes. By leveraging their support, dispute resolution becomes a collaborative effort, promoting solutions that benefit everyone involved.
Extended family can care for children temporarily, providing parents the space to have a private discussion and focus on dispute resolution. This arrangement can be particularly helpful during family disputes, allowing parents to address sensitive issues without distractions. Involving extended family in this way can support constructive dialogue and ensure that the dispute resolution process remains productive. Temporary care arrangements also give parents the opportunity to concentrate fully on resolving family disputes, finding common ground, and making progress in ongoing dispute resolution efforts.
Have back-up plans
Back-up plans provide meaningful alternatives when conflicts arise. Don’t assume that disruptions are designed to create issues. Approach the other party’s difficulties charitably.
Alternative plans should be fair and equitable to everyone. Above all, they should be in the best interests of children.
Potential plans
There are many different plans you can consider.
Shared celebrations can be special for children. You need to be sure that your relationship with your co-parent allows for this. Boundaries are crucial. Clearly establish what topics are okay to discuss and appropriate behaviour. Would you rather your ex doesn’t drink? Do you want to limit contact with them? Ensure everyone understands these boundaries.
One parent may be unable to be present on their nominated visitation day. Set up a virtual celebration. This allows them to have quality time with their kids remotely.
If co-parents live close together, you can stagger celebrations. The children can spend breakfast and gift opening at one home. Then, they can spend lunch or dinner at the other parent’s residence. Make sure the child is okay with this arrangement. Getting ferried between homes on a busy day like Christmas can be stressful.
Be flexible
Flexibility is crucial during family dispute resolution, especially over Christmas. Being flexible shows respect for the other party. It builds trust and smoother co-parenting relationships.
Try adjusting schedules for changing situations. One parent may face other commitments unexpectedly. This can alter their opportunity to be with their kids. Consider changing which days you spend with them.
Family violence
Family law court proceedings are always a last resort. However, it may be necessary if domestic and family violence are a concern. If there are any concerns about child abuse, the family law system can assist separated families. The Family Law Act provides protection for victims. Engage professional legal help during the court process.
Conclusion
You can resolve family disputes over Christmas. Stay level-headed and flexible. Put your children first and be collaborative. We hope this article can give you a starting point for navigating difficult conversations.
PETER ANDREWS - the name that should be on everyone's lips! I have found Peter to be passionate and extremely skilled in his profession and dedicated to providing the best possible service to me as his client.
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